Artemus Ward
“Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?”
“Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?”
“The return we reap from generous actions is not always evident.”
“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
“It is the final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
“Freedom means the opportunity to be what we never thought we would be.”
“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.”
“Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”
“He may be mad, but there’s method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It’s what drives men mad, being methodical.”
“For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.”