“As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.”

“Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.”

“I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”

“Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.”

“It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living.”

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

“The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.”