“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”

“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee — that will do them in.”

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”

“You’ve got to take the bitter with the sour.”

“My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.”

“It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.”

“Ninety percent of everything is crap.”

“If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in acco…

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”

“Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.”