“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.”

“If it were done, when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly.”

“The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”

“Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words; wait and hope.”

“Why was I born with such contemporaries?”

“Of all duties, prayer certainly is the sweetest and most easy.”

“It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.”

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”