“Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.”

“I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.”

“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.”

“All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.”

“Politics is made up largely of irrelevancies.”

“The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.”

“Why do writers write? Because it isn’t there.”

“I don’t know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t.”

“A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.”

“We relish news of our heroes, forgetting that we are extraordinary to somebody too.”