“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.'”

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”

“A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.”

“Once you’ve learned to study in a bathing suit on the grass with muscled men throwing frisbees over your head, you can accomplish almost anything.”

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.”

“We do on stage things that are supposed to happen off. Which is a kind of integrity, if you look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.”

“Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.”