Gracie Allen
“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.”
“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.”
“Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.”
“An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.”
“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can a…
“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”
“The great god Ra whose shrine once covered acres / Is filler now for crossword-puzzle makers.”
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
“Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.”
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”