“God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.”

“Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

“Freedom means the opportunity to be what we never thought we would be.”

“I don’t understand the sizes anymore. There’s a size zero, which I didn’t even know that they had. It must stand for: ‘Ohhh my God, you’re thin.'”

“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.”

“The very essence of instinct is that it’s followed independently of reason.”

“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.”

“Words are but pictures of our thoughts.”

“There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves.”

“It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.”